Dieting and Feeling Fat

We live in a weight-obsessed culture. The obsession is like a contagious disease that we all catch shortly after birth. Our modern society views enjoyment of eating in much the same way as the Victorians viewed enjoyment of sex - dangerous, sinful, and out of control, something to feel guilty about. If you tell someone you've decided not to diet anymore, you risk an earful about what a dangerous mistake you're making, how natural appetites have no natural limits, and the only way to have control is through dieting.

But this makes no sense! Natural limits are part of our natural instincts.

I believe that the neurotic attitudes communicated by Western culture has more to do with the sudden increase in obesity in Western societies than any other single factor. The fact that we exercise less may play a part; the fact that we eat more carbs today may play a part. But I believe that the single most influential factor is the destructive attitudes that our culture encourages.

The "Pee" Analogy

Here's an analogy that helps to convey how weird and unnatural dieting really is.

The process of feeling hungry, experiencing a body-wisdom-based desire for a certain type of food, eating the food, stopping when satisfied, and then going off to do something else and not giving it another thought is "normal eating". This is completely analogous to what occurs when you have to pee. You sense your body's need, you go to the bathroom and relieve yourself, and then go back to what you were doing without giving it another thought. In both cases, you read a physical signal, meet the physical need, and give it no more thought. That's normal.

Now imagine what a strange world it would be if we were told that peeing had to be done on a schedule - we should pee 4 times a day, and it should be at 4 hour intervals and we should only pee one cup at a time. If we need to pee in between times, we should hold it. If we want to pee more than one cup, we should hold that for the next time. Sound bizarre? That's basically what a diet is.

The Last "Politically Correct" Prejudice

Not only does our culture teach us to feel guilty about enjoying food, it teaches us that how much we weigh is directly related to our value as human beings. This again parallels Victorian attitudes towards sexuality in that it promotes the idea that denying one's natural instincts is somehow "virtuous". It also creates an intense and culturally sanctioned prejudice against fat people (or even marginally overweight people) that is extremely destructive.

Overweight people are viewed as stupid, lazy, weak, and incompetent. They are discriminated against in the job market, in the "love market", and are marginalized, disrespected, insulted, and ignored. This prejudice is so widespread and accepted by our culture as "reasonable and rational" that it appears in earliest childhood. Studies have shown that children as young as 5 years old describe fat children as lazy and stupid, and are less likely to choose them as friends.

All this is a problem, of course, but the bigger problem is that overweight people internalize these messages, and start to seem themselves as disgusting pigs, not worthy of the basic gifts that life has to offer. That's why people look at their fat with horror and shame - they're told day in and day out from earliest childhood that extra fat is a sign of inadequacy and failure as a human being.

The reason you can't stand the sight of yourself is not because of your fat, per se. It's because of the meaning you give to your fat.

What Being Fat Really Means

The solution is to reframe this - stop telling yourself that your fat is shameful and disgusting. This is a lie - it isn't true! Your weight is not a measure of your value as a human being. Character has infinitely more to do with a person's value as a human being than the shape of one's body. The amount of extra fat you carry is vastly overemphasized in this culture, and the meaning this culture gives it is seriously warped.

Carrying extra fat simply means that you have been using food for comfort as well as fuel, because you didn't know how else to deal with the stress and problems in your life. Carrying extra fat is no more shameful than crying. Your fat is like tears; a physical manifestation of distress. If you saw someone crying, you'd view her tears with compassion, not contempt. Your fat is no less a sign of distress than tears, and also deserves to be viewed with compassion rather than comtempt.

So when you look in the mirror and see your extra fat, stop your negative self-talk, and instead say to yourself, "This extra fat I'm carrying is not shameful or disgusting, and has no relationship to my value as a human being. It's just a sign that I ate for comfort when I didn't know how to cope with the stressors in my life. I'm learning new ways now."